So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
