I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
