Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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