our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
