bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
