Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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