Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
