I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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