they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
