those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
