I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
