Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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