Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
