just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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