he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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