I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
