I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize