I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
