I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
high people should be assigned attendants
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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