My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
