When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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