my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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