what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's shark week go big or go home
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
