um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
