I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
