there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize