Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
