That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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