Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
