I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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