I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He had one of those small greek statue penises
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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