someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
