what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
