Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
