Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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