Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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