I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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