just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
