its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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