A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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