ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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