I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
