So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
