I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
