making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
