I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
