You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My cat gives me a boner
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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