Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
