I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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