theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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