I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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