Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
