The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I believe in your delicious
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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