Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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