No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize