when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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