I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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