Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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