Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
