On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
