he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
