I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
