you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
