Plan B is the new Plan A
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
