After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize