I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
