rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
