I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
