You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
