I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
