If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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