Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
