Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
