im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
