You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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