Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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