get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
