They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
