Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
