just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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