If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
