I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
