The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
