I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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