seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
