she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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