How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
