are you so shy because you have an std?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
