I'm gonna have a badass scar
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You ate ashes out of my bong
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
