mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
