Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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