Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my vag is so smooth its legendary
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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