Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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