I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize