You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
