I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
