I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize